do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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