meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize