I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
