question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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