Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
