You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
