Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize