Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
