stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
