You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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