god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
