I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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