Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
