I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
