Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
