just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
