once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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