she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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