Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dicks are not precious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
