I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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