My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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