I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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