Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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