i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
