I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
