Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
