I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
