I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
did you just send me my own nude
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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