just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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