i would punch a child for taco bell
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
