Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
