i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
