If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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