The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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