I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
