does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
