Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
