hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
