if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
