did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
