filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
