Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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