so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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