Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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