saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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