Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
