last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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