Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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