im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
