I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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