This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
