i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have fence marks all over my body
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
