Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
