I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
