Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
