He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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