Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
