I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize