Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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