just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
