At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
