Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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