All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
