What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
