How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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